"Thank God I'm a Humanist" - Rev. Sev

Today we went all the way across Cleveland to the West Shore Unitarian Church (my dad is the minister at East Shore UU Church) where my dad was the guest minister. The church is significantly larger than my dad's church and was just remodeled a couple of years ago. It is a beautiful church with lots of cool activities going on and a cute little kid's table by all the adult tables for coffee hour. They also had real mugs for the coffee after church, and for some reason my sister and I were very excited by that. My dad's sermon was one that I hadn't heard before (after seventeen years as a preacher's kid, you often get some repeats). It was entitled, "Thank God I'm a Humanist". It was a really good service, and i really enjoyed it- even makes me excited for getting back to Austin and getting involved in the UU Church there. I liked that the sermon helped to define humanism and relate that most people are humanists along with being theistic, and it doesn't have to be mutually exclusive like so many think. Anyways, it was nice to hear my dad preach again, and I was pleasantly surprised that he didn't use his exaggerated preacher voice that he sometimes uses. It was just his regular voice- i really prefer that one, it makes the sermon more personal and accessible (in my opinion). Anyways, it was a really nice Sunday morning. To top it all off, Elizabeth got us all tickets to go see the Cleveland Cavaliers stomp the Miami Heat tonight. Watching the two leading scorers in the NBA go head to head should be a lot of fun!

Okay, so this is REAL snow!!

I've been up in Ohio for about five days, and the last two have been extra cold and snowy. My dad and I drove down to Akron last night at midnight to pick up Elizabeth and Bubba (their flight was only a little delayed coming from Denver, where a plane burst into flames the night before). It was really really cold, and we kind of thought we were just not used to the weather- but as it turns out it was seven below, and the coldest day on record since 1893!

Today, Elizabeth, Bubba and I went on a snowy adventure down to drug mart to pick up some miscellaneous items (like Champagne, fiber one strawberry pop tarts, and tissues). The store isn't very far away- only about a 15 minute walk. It was still really windy and snowy, but thankfully not seven below anymore. So here are some pictures of our walking in a winter wonderland!

SNOW!!!

okay, i know i should already be in bed- but it's snowing outside!!! and it was in the high sixties early today- texas is crazy! but this is i believe only the second time i've ever seen snow in texas! it was pretty neat- but adam apparently didn't want to wake up to go play, so i restrained myself from only staying out long enough to catch a snowflake on my tongue! happy texas!

Help! I Have Akathisia!!

So my first final is tomorrow at 8am and i'm so frickin wired, it's not even funny. i knew i shouldn't have had that double americano at 5pm... i know it was dumb- but i didn't even drink half of it! Seriously though- my hands are all shaky and i can't hardly sit still. i'm going to jump out of my skin. Uh oh, maybe adam put me on a typical (conventional) antipsychotic like Chlorpromazine, Thioridazine, Fluphenazine, Thiothixene or, my favorite, haloperidol. and now i'm having an extrapyramidal symptom (EPS) - namely Akathisia, characterized by rocking, pacing or the inability to stand or sit still. Why, Adam, why?? okay, so i'm officially entered the pre-finals psychosis... where are those antipsychotics when you need them?

"Look-- it's an Eeyore!"

Okay, well finals are at the end of this next week, so let me take a moment to talk about my life outside of nursing. This morning I got up a little early and drove down south to my friend, Judith's house to go for our first of several training bike rides. We decided we are going to sign up for the AIDS hill country ride in April (she's trying to convince me that a century (100 mi) is reasonable- still working on that one...). Along with her partner, Alicia, we headed out for a 25 mile ride.

They live pretty close to the start of the ride we looked at (they printed it off of ACA's website), so we decided to ride to Austin High School and then catch up with the route. It turns out that it's the same place where the Tour De Cure ended last May. Unfortunately, it was a little further than we thought (and with some killer hills that had me sucking for air). But when we did finally get out on the Old San Antonio Hwy, it was great riding. There were still some hills, but the scenery was much preferred to being stuck behind a bus breathing in fumes.

We turned around at about 13 miles out to make the ride a total of 26 miles. On the way back we saw probably a dozen deer just sitting in a field, and then a little ways down we saw a bunch of different animals. The funny thing is that as we were going by, i completely spaced and just pointed and yelled, "Look, it's an Eeyore!". I'm sure at some point I must have seen a donkey in real life, but it was still pretty neat and they were only about 20 feet off the road. Alicia, who was leading the way, did her best donkey noise. And that was when I knew I had found my perfect riding buddies.

It was a long, hard ride, but pretty decent for our first ride back in the saddle. We averaged about 13mph with plenty of hills, and that's not a bad place to start. Near the end we were going up a particularly rough hill and I started to stand up to pound up the last few feet, but my legs wobbled and i quickly sat back down. Even though I nearly bonked, I was still happy at the end of the ride. I'm really looking forward to many more rides, and excited to have a couple of stronger riders to train with.

A gosh darn really good day!

Wow, I am just floating on air right now. I just got back from my clinical at the hospital and I just had such a fantastic day! I swear part of it was due to my determination to have a great day- even my cranky patient this morning wasn't going to ruin it (I killed her with kindness- don't worry she's still alive!).

So my morning started out well because i was so well prepared and organized. I found this "jot sheet" that another student (from the year ahead of us) had given me this summer- and it is perfect! It has spaces for everything you need to write down throughout morning report as well as keeping track of things to do throughout your shift. At the bottom it even has spaces for each hour we're on the floor so we can keep track of med times and other activities like linen change and hygiene. It's funny because I was so excited about it and then our meds assistant was like- hey my friend made that (she's finishing her masters this semester). I think she was proud to see it handed down- I'm just bummed i forgot about it until this late in the semester!

The other critical aspect of my perfect day was being paired with one of the best nurses on the unit. I had never worked with her before, but i had only heard great things. (she has this awesome fanny-pack thing that has nearly every little piece of equipment from scissors and gauze to luhr lock needless IV connectors!) Anyways, early in the morning i told her i was an eager beaver, so if any of her other patients needed something that i could learn from- i was all for it! She was so awesome, and it was a huge change from the last few nurses I've worked with who may be competent, but they certainly aren't helpful or friendly. I did my first real venipuncture today (and on a dark skinned gentleman that was hard to see the veins!) and drew blood for labs, and then my nurse let me give a couple IV push meds- it was just great! I was busy all morning, but in such a good way- not ever overwhelmed but also never standing around with nothing to do- the perfect combination!

When i was giving my end of shift report to my nurse, she complimented me on how organized and adept i was- which after last week's crappy day was really nice to hear. I joked about how she should casually drop that in conversation with my instructor, and she smiled and said, actually i already did! What a fantastic way to leave for thanksgiving vacation! We only have one clinical day left, and our instructor already said we would be leaving early to go out to lunch! Okay, enough with the excessive explanation points- sorry, I'm just in the best mood I've had for awhile. It feels great! (sorry i had to get one more in there)

Goodbye, my dear Sam.

I just got a call from my friend Bethany in San Antonio. She gently told me that our friend Sam passed away today. After a few minutes i was in tears. He was only 24, but had suffered from spina bifida and various other complications his whole life. But damn, if he wasn't the sweetest guy with a fantastic smile. Last spring he gave a sermon at church about Gratitude. He had been close to death many times before, and he really wanted to tell the world how grateful he was and remind us to all do the same. I am grateful that I went to church last weekend and got to see his bright shining eyes and big smile. He told me he was having surgery on Wednesday for yet another infection from the rod in his back. Apparently after surgery he slipped into a coma. Bethany said the rest of his family was able to fly out, but he passed on this morning. I will always remember him, and forever be grateful for having him in my life. My heart goes out to his mom, Karen, who lived for Sam- and kept his life full of fun and adventure.
Blessed Be.
Namaste.
Be in Peace.

free from restraints of this paper

Whew. I think, is it possible?, that i am finished with my 13 page paper on restraints. The research was actually really interesting, albeit some of it was really hard to read. The use of restraints in psychiatric settings is waning, but still not completely eradicated. I don't know if I've blogged about this, but my very first day at ASH (Austin State Hospital) I saw two take-downs in the first 3 hours. The worst one was a physical restraint of a girl (she was only 18 years old) who was screaming that she was pregnant, so they couldn't put a strap around her stomach. Maybe the first one is always the hardest to watch, but she was bucking at the straps and bashing her head against the padded restraint chair as she was wheeled into the "reflection room". Times have changed since they locked people in padded rooms, so she was kept in the restraint chair in the room with an open door and a staff member sitting in the hallway. Another staff member made a flippant remark about the future of the baby that i found distasteful, and it contributed to my negative feelings about the whole thing. One of the PNAs (psychiatric nursing assistant) was really good with her, though. He was very calm in talking to her and kept repeating that this was a hospital, and that they were there to help her. He's really good, and in the weeks that followed, I saw him as a really positive force in the unit.

Anyways, i might do some more editing or additions later, but as for today, i am finished. finito. Oh, this morning, i helped humanity. yes, all of humanity. okay I'm being a little dramatic, but i did contribute to helping some of the less fortunate here in Austin. The UT School of Nursing helped staff the "Stand Down for the Homeless" event at a Rec center in East Austin. Basically they opened the doors and provided the homeless with showers, food, health checks, haircuts, and many more services that i didn't get a chance to check out. I was really looking forward to helping with some basic assessments, checking blood pressure and doing some patient education. But... instead i spent three hours checking for lice. I was stationed before the haircuts (next to the very funny Terrell who looked a lot like Jamie Foxx -and knew it- so he entertained us with some great Ray Charles impressions) and was responsible for making sure they had showered today and then checking their head for lice. Didn't find any, thank goodness, but i did see a lot of dandruff. But so many of the people were really grateful for the free haircut. As Jessica and I were walking to the car, a guy in army fatigues rode by on a bike with three bags on his back and said, "i know probably no one told you this, but we really appreciate you coming out." So that definitely made it all worth it- even if i was on lice duty. (btw- not going into elementary school nursing, thank you very much)

late night ramblings

Woo hoo! i got my ticket to visit my parents for Christmas! I haven't seen them since June, (okay, i did see my mom for a day in October) and I'm going to spend nearly two weeks (of my six week vacation) in wintry Ohio (it better frickin snow this year- or old man winter is going to pay). I'm bummed that Adam can't come up with me, I really want to be with him for Christmas, but unfortunately he doesn't have the vacay time (nor would we let him leave his mom all alone- love ya Joyce!) I'm really looking forward to spending some quality relaxation time up at my parents' house- i never actually lived there, but it still feels like home. Besides, nothing can beat hot chocolate with marshmallows while cozied up next to Oreo, knitting by the fireplace. (to be clear, I'm the one knitting, not Oreo). Alright well this tired girl needs to go to bed, she still has one more day before the weekend can begin (and six more pages of paper to write before she can fully enjoy her weekend, but who's counting).

skipping class to go to a lecture- bad, nerdy girl.

Today, after taking my last patho exam (excited bragging moment- 4th 95 in a row!!) i hopped on the FA (forty acres) bus that takes a big loop around campus to attend a lecture in the Pharmacy building. The lecture was entitled, "Connective Tissue, A Dynamic Mechanically Responsive Network: Implications for Acupuncture," presented by Helene Langevin, MD. Basically it was a presentation of her research showing how connective tissue is more interconnected than previously thought, and that acupuncture actually can change the shape of the connective tissue much in the same way that stretch can change it. It was really interesting, and makes me want to blow off my assigned research paper on restraints and start ravenously consuming information about acupuncture.

The other cool thing about this lecture was that it was actually the first of a series of lectures in Integrative Medicine being spearheaded by a professor in the Pharmacy school who is also a licensed acupuncturist. I'm on the email list now, so hopefully I'll have plenty of opportunities to learn more about this fascinating subject. It's part of the reason i applied to this program - the "holistic health" masters track, but it turns out i have to put in some extra effort if i want to really incorporate a multitude of alternative and complementary health practices in with traditional nursing.

not on a cruise

I just got back into town from San Antonio where Adam and i spent the weekend. Well, actually we spent Friday night in Austin drinking from a cube of wine while he finished up his packing for the cruise. I was doing a really good job of not being too jealous that he and his whole family were leaving for a fantastic voyage around the Caribbean and Mexico. Notice that statement is in past tense- because the more i saw them all get ready and comparing their leisure reading, i got really bummed that my reading this next week is all going to be scholastic articles on the ethical dilemma of using chemical and physical restraints in the mental health treatment arenas. not nearly as fun. We made two airport runs to pick up both of Adam's brothers (and his older brother's wife and beautiful daughter). We went out for a great dinner, and then just went back to his parent's house while everyone finished some last minute packing. I really had a wonderful time just being with their family; mostly everyone's attention revolved around Georgie and just watching her big blue eyes take everything in (ceiling fans are very cool). So they're cruising somewhere in the gulf of Mexico now, and I'll get to see them all again next Sunday.

But, I'll get my nice long vacation in December and January- although i think I'm going to try to get a job for most of January. Even though it's weird to be in such a quiet apartment (with only one cat), i think it will be good for me to have a little "me" time. Although most of that 'me time' is going to be revolved around a ten page paper, it will be nice to just have some quiet time alone.

blahhh...

you know you're in a crabby mood when your knitting stresses you out and makes you whine to your boyfriend (even if you think you're just complaining, apparently you're actually whining). mostly i'm frustrated because my financial aid is running dangerously low and i tried to explain that to the stupid fin aid dept back in september, but they were most unhelpful. so i have to figure out how to get a private loan -i guess? i don't know, but if i can't afford my rent in three weeks or a trip to see my parents for christmas, i'm going to cry.

on a happier note, i'm going down to san antonio tomorrow with Adam. He and his entire family are leaving on sunday to go on a seven day cruise around so many fabulous places i can't even remember which (it's a mental block because i'm openly jealous). One fun thing is that i'll finally get to meet his older brother and his wife (as well as the very cute niece that we made diaper covers for last month). Adam is very close with his brothers, and i feel like i already know them from how much he talks about them. It's kind of funny because I'm sort of nervous about meeting them, like a substitute for the first time meeting the parents nervousness that i missed out on that because i knew Adam's parents before we even became roommates. I'm sure it will be great- i just need to relax and be my wonderful fabulous self. haha. I think in all aspects of my life i need to just relax. Calm the F down. sorry that was a little harsh. i need to go to sleep.

The Cheering Section in the OR

So this week's clinical day ended with nearly everyone in tears because we were laughing so hard. One of the women in my clinical group (all of whom are fantastic) is hilariously dramatic. She is always so perky and funny about things. Normally i think it would bug me, but you can't help but love her! So she got to go down to watch a surgery on one of the patients on our floor. There was a bit of a hold up because the nasty plastic surgeon was a real bear and said absolutely no students. Somehow, Robin totally won him over. So she comes up from the surgery all flushed and glowing and immediately spilled the story of her fantastic stint in the OR. I don't think i'll be able to describe it well enough to really get across the true brilliance of it, but i still crack up just thinking about it.

So the doctor was all angry and cursing all over the operating room, all, "F this and F that", so after he yelled at a couple of people he got his way and started doing something (i can't remember exactly what happened), but Robin decided that his gruff nature would really need a little cheer- that would stroke his ego just enough. So in her cute little high pitched voice she claps her hands and says, "Yay Dr. Thompson!!". He turned around and took notice of her but kept acting all nasty to the other people in the room. I think something was going on and they were trying to figure out what to do with a wound on the leg, and she shouts "just close that sucker up Dr. Thompson, you can do it!". I think this is where she totally won him over. He laughed and went ahead with what he was doing. He even answered some of her questions when she asked what he was doing. Everyone else in the operating room was just looking at each other, like who is this girl? She kept it up through the end of the surgery, and as she was walking out someone, i guess, commented on how she was the only one able to deal with him. To which she flippantly replies with a little wrist flip, "he's a gentle boy, he needs a soft touch." and sashayed out of the OR. It was fantastic!! She is so cute and dramatic, i just wish i could do her justice. She totally won him over, and apparently he's a total ass to both his patients and other staff, so it's even funnier that a second semester nursing student was able to have such an impact!

A Brilliant Turning Point

I've done it. I have separated my feelings from my test scores. Okay, so let me explain. We have pathophysiology tests every wednesday morning. Generally my scores have been okay, some up and some down, but nearly every week, i let that grade dictate my mood for the day. Early in the semester when i was figuring out the test style and format, i was in tears some days (over a frickin B i might add! how ridiculous is that?). That is no way to participate in life. It reminds me of something one of my wise classmates said early this summer, "This is grad school- everyone is brilliant and school is really hard. If you only get your self worth from your grades, i'd be really concerned about it." Okay so even though i used quotes, i am paraphrasing, and she was refering to a friend of hers from college who got all of her pride from working hard and getting A's in school. While it is a positive trait to get pride from working hard, it can be detrimental to one's mental health to get so much self-worth from an arbitrary grade. When i first heard Bev talk about that, i was like, oh yeah, that's no way to get through life. But these last few months i've let myself sink into that downward and sometimes upward spiral of mood swings based on grade fluctuations. (and i'm pretty sure adam is not appreciating it! but he's a trooper and he loves me, neuroses and all)

I read a book called the four agreements or something and it talked about how you shouldn't take things personally. Good or bad things. I wanted to cringe, because i was just working on not taking negative things personally, but i was really holding on to those positive compliments i received. I still have not mastered it, and i fully admit it makes me happy when someone tells me i helped them or when i do well, i feel pride. So here's where patho comes in. I chose today to not let my test score dictate my mood. It's just a grade, and a mere 7% of my final grade at that (thanks mindy for calculating out every assignment's worth).

I mostly think of this because I see a good friend of mine, who is so brilliant and hard working, get so caught up in grades, and letting them equal her worth. And i think the reason i see it so clearly is because I see myself in her. Each week, i see her either giddy and excited or really depressed and mopey. And up until today, i was the same way- i just didn't recognize it because i had done well on recent tests, and was in great moods on wednesdays. But the truth is that I know that i am a smart, capable and caring person who is going to make a great nurse. I may not know everything i need to know now, but i am putting my best effort into this very intensive program, and that is what i take pride in. I need to start pulling my happiness out from within, because i'm not going to make it through this program if i let a grade on an exam tell me how i feel and who i am. I am not my grade on a twenty question patho exam.

This is officially "not good."

Man, i am exhausted. I am just now sitting down at about five pm for the first time since six this morning. So I prop my throbbing feet up on the ottoman and sit down to reflect on my day. Today is my clinical shift at the hospital on an IMC/Telemetry floor. (for you lay people, that means that half the people are intermediate care (IMC) or on cardiac monitoring (telemetry) although mostly they're both. My patient that i cared for today was not doing well. As my professor put it, this is officially (with air quotes) "not good". He came into the hospital for a GI bleed, and most likely will not be getting out. He is one of those people that lived his whole life eating whatever he chose and sitting on the couch. One nurse description was, "he's been a non-compliant patient his whole life". While i think she was a bit of a grouch and left some things to be desired in her nursing care, it's true. Most likely people have been trying to tell him for the last thirty years (he's only in his early seventies) to take better care of himself and eat well or exercise at least a little bit. But, as one of my classmates reminded me, there is something to be said for living on your own terms but dying a little sooner.

When i checked his labs this morning, his BUN and creatinine had shot up to 60 and 2.5, and one of the first things we learned this summer was that when BUN and creatinine rise together, it signals renal failure. I just wish that were his only problem. I don't want to violate any patient privacy issues, but just to make a long sad story short, he ended up with multiple organ system failures. The treatment for one caused the other, but when they stop that treatment, the first gets worse... it was all one big mess. So all day i just tried to keep him as comfortable as possible. But I don't think I will ever get the look on his face out of my mind. His eyes got really big when we had to move him because of how much pain he was in, and all day he just kept repeating, "oh my God". By the end of my shift with him, the doctor came to evaluate him and sent him to get a CT scan done to, as he put it- "I'm not ruling out retroperitoneal hemorrhage- I'm confirming it". After that, he was moved down to ICU where hopefully he'll make a recovery, but the way his bloodwork looked and what the Doctor and my professor said, it did not look good.

When i first realized how bad off he was I had to choke back some tears because he reminded me of my dad. No, let me rephrase that- he was my biggest fear of how my dad would end up. Severely obese with multiple organ system health problems. But my dad has impressed me so much with his progress. He has lost over forty pounds, and is on his way to taking back his life and his body. (although apparently he'd prefer to have cartilage in his hips, so that needs to be fixed, but other than that he is doing wonderfully). So i just choked back those tears and silently thanked my God (and my dad) for listening to my pleas. I just wish him and his family peace and strength to endure what has got to be a really hard couple of days ahead. Blessed Be.

My new work area!!

Yay Ikea! I finally have a study area set up in my bedroom. I don't know why it took so long, but i have a wonderful little area now that i can escape to (and letting Adam watch tv or listen to music occasionally). Furthermore, it means that my ten billion textbooks aren't just scattered around the living room all willy nilly. sorry, but i've always wanted to use the expression willy nilly, and it finally seems appropriate.

As you see here, (besides the fact that, yes, i do need to vacuum) i've got a big giant bookcase which can be accessed from both sides. So on the other side is my bed, and i have my alarm clock and some nighttime reading and knitting supplies facing that side, and all my books and study supplies facing towards the desk.

Sadly, i did have to move Max's window perch/scratch tower because it didn't fit. But not to fear, i moved it to Adam's window area and plan on getting one of those small little window shelfs for cats so Max (or Nigel) can hang out while i'm working.

This past week was still very hectic, as all weeks are in grad school apparently. However, i got A's on both of my exams that we had on wednesday (and i might add, only an hour appart). I know i need to work on getting too much satisfaction and/or personal worth from my grades, but i'm really excited about doing well. I had been struggling in the begining of the year, and i was worried i might
actually make (gasp) a B. That will not, hopefully, be the case. Especially now that i'm super productive Katie with her super studious space!

ps. please ignore the unmade bed on the left (the maid hasn't come in yet this week) lol.

this wall matches my stethoscope

okay, well right now i'm just procrastinating. i just flipped through my book and counted 100 more pages that i need to read today. Yes it is saturday, in a city where half the population is drinking and watching college football or drinking and smoking enjoying Austin City Limits. I am drinking coffee- chai, actually, with two much needed shots of espresso. I'm trying out a new coffee shop near my house, and it's wonderful. Thunderbird Coffee right on the corner of woodrow and 2222- lots of big windows and knowledgeable, friendly barristas (is still barristas if they're male?) anyways, I've got a little corner here with a good hard chair (better to stay focused) and lots of natural light. Oh, and i just looked over and noticed these great comfy chairs in the middle with bongo drum-looking foot stools. awesome. anyways, i'm here trying to get a jump on the week. and now that i look into it, i should have started much earlier in the day.

i had a minor meltdown on both thursday and friday this week. i'm starting to feel like i need to schedule my breakdowns on my calendar so that i can better anticipate them and plan accordingly. The funny thing is that i actually did well on my patho test this week (95!) and yet i'm still a blubbering mess when documents crash or can't be opened on different computers. Definitely something to work on... Okay, well i'm going to get back to reading about ageism and the myths of aging.

oh, i nearly forgot- I finally got my stethoscope in the mail today! It is much nicer than the cheapo one i had borrowed from the learning center (and i was easily able to take Adam's blood pressure- so much better!). I also just noticed that the wall of this coffee shop matches my lovely plum master cardiology III, thank you very much. Anyways, i really am going back to work now. I hope all you people out there enjoying your weekend truly appreciate it. man, i wish i could be at ACL.

Rockstar, how i love you so...

Yes, i know that there must be crack in those drinks, but darnit if it didn't completely turn my world back right side up. For two days i was a huge giant, weepy stressball. I felt like i had more work and tests than i could possibly complete (let alone do well on), and that didn't even include actually preparing for lectures or doing reading assignments. Two of my major assignments were both due today, and they both seemed like a complete waste of time.(or at least just busy work) Furthermore, one of my professors insisted that we hand in our papers (ready for this- on paper) and before eight o'clock this morning. It's bad enough we couldn't email the stinking three page papers (she didn't want to wear our her printer- she, being the one who has a job and an income)- mind you there are only eight of us in her clinical group. We have class on Friday mornings at nine am, and we tried to compromise to see if we could turn it in by nine, when we will already be in the building for class. But no, she wanted to be able to grade them that morning, and she might want to start at 7:30. So i took the early bus so i could get to school in time, and was she in her office- no. of course not. how obnoxious. so then i tried to get something productive done in the forty five minutes i had to kill before class.

But back to the rockstar being the nectar of the gods- even my prof's tardiness didn't really put me in a bad mood. For two days (not completely coincidental that my misery started with my B on a patho test wednesday morning) i was a complete emotional wreck. I felt completely incapable and stupid, and yes i am very well aware that this was irrational- but i was a sad little weepy mess. Poor Adam for having to deal with me and try to make me see the ludicrosity of my absent self-worth. (yes it's a word- look it up- well it is in the urban dictionary- does that count?) Anyways, halfway into my 16 oz can of sugar free Rockstar, i was well on my way to being eloquent and productive on both my paper and assignment. I have been in a much better mood all day. I even skipped a graduate student happy hour to finish a giant chapter in my Med/Surg text for the test on wednesday (yes, we do have an exam every frickin wednesday morning).

Well, I'm going to get some laundry together (Adam and I are heading down to San Antonio to housesit for his parents (and their lovely washer/dryer). It's going to be a wonderful weekend filled with family and good friends (and probably a good deal of studying, too, if i know what's good for me). Next week will be pretty challenging- probably worse than this week. Monday and Tuesday are our first full days of clinical rotations. They start at 6:30 in the morning and last until nearly 3pm. (and Tuesday i have to drive 30 minutes north to Round Rock) So needless to say, i'm going to try to get a head start on studying for the next patho test, and maybe crack one of my other books, too.

feeling far away...

I couldn't sleep last night. Part of it might have been the three DDPs i had at eight o'clock in the evening (that's diet dr. pepper for those who don't know me very well), but mostly i think it's because of some bad news i got yesterday. One of my friends from college died last week in an accident. He was one of those fabulously friendly people that always had a smile on his face. I hadn't seen him, or any of my college friends since our reunion in 2006, and i'm just really missing my Macalester family. The tragic nature of his death is just all too reminiscent of our friend Paul who died right before spring break of our senior year. Our class came together in a beautiful and supportive way- everyone exchanging hugs and telling great stories. But now i'm so far away from anyone that knew Patrick.

Both Patrick and Paul were people who crossed over into everyone's friend-group. I always remember Patrick smiling and being the life of some party, even if it was just fifteen people in a friend's apartment. I loved my undergrad experience, and i am really bummed that i don't have the resources to go see all my beloved friends. This whole awful mess just makes me realize how important it is to keep in touch with the people we love. For all my Macalester friends- i love you all and miss you terribly. I hope we all can find the love and strength to cope with this tragedy. We'll miss that devilish grin, Patrick!

Totally Tachycardic

Well school seems to be flying by, and i haven't really taken a moment yet to sit back and reflect on this new semester. It's been a whirlwind, and with three classes now instead of one, it is about six times more difficult to keep track of all assignments, tests, clinicals, etc. Our professors tried to make us feel better by telling us that one of our classes is actually separated into three classes for the undergrads. So if it feels like it's three times as intensive, it's because it is. For some reason that didn't make me feel all that much better.

Last week we had our first patho test, and it was awful. She redesigned the tests so that we would have 10 tests over a smaller amount of material (basically about one a week), and the tests are only 20 questions and we take them online. While this sounds great, the first test was such a slap in the face. The test is structured so you have only thirty minutes (with a counting down timer in the corner to stress you out even more), and the questions are displayed one at a time so that you can't go back and reconsider your answers. Okay, so i recognize that this is supposed to help us prepare for the NCLEX next fall, but it's really tough because i always go back and double check my answers. About half way through the test, i started thinking about how many questions i might have missed, and my heartbeat just took off- totally tachycardic. I tried to calm myself down, but i just didn't do well on the test. As it turned out, she gave us back some points, so i still ended up with an A on the exam, but that didn't make me feel any better. Did i mention these test questions (also in NCLEX style) are questions where they tell you all four answers are correct, but you have to choose the BEST answer. Or they'll say, when someone presents with these symptoms you should do all these things, but which one should you do FIRST? Aaack! So even though i went into the exam as prepared as i thought i could be from our lecture notes, i wasn't at all prepared for the mind bending questions.

So for this next exam, i am studying much differently. I still plan on knowing the pathophysiology backwards and forwards, but I plan to focus more on the nursing roles. (the class is actually called "Nursing Resoponses to Physiological Alterations to Health") I went to half-price books and found two study guides that will help a lot with the critical thinking and nursing implications. One is for the med/surg nursing book they used last year (it was only 12 bucks!) and another one is for the patho book they suggested we use as a reference (that one was only $6!). My friend, Mindy has the study guide for the med/surg text we are primarily using, and we have been going over the questions together. I think we will be much better prepared- i already feel like i can think through the multiple choice questions in a more analytical and logical way. Well, i'm off to finish some reading up on heart failure. sounds disturbing, but it's really fun- i love this stuff!

Here we go again

Day 2 of the semester and i already fell asleep on my bus ride home because i'm so worn out. One of our professors reminded us today that one of the classes (out of three this semester) is actually taken as three separate classes by undergrads. So if it feels like we're doing three times the amount of work for one class, it's because we are.

While the work is daunting, and assignments and information scattered like marbles on tile, i think it will be a (dare i say it) fun semester. We have three courses- Pathophysiology, Mental Health nursing, and Adult Health nursing. The last two courses both have clinicals which i am a moron and chose both morning (i should say dawn, as they start at 6:30 am) times instead of afternoon -d'oh!

Thank God for Fridays! tomorrow, though, we have two classes back to back - barely enough time to go to the bathroom, get a snack and walk up four flights of stairs. But then we have the whole afternoon off. well, if we don't read and catch up (yes, i am already behind- but for good reasons that i'll get to shortly), and use our friday afternoon wisely, the whole semester will be uphill and backwards!

As for why i have chosen to be slightly less prepared for tomorrow morning's lecture (not completely unprepared) is because i have joined UT's women's club water polo team. I played all through high school and college (although that was roughly 7 years ago) and have really missed playing (i used to dream about it!) I'm a bit out of swimming shape (i can ride my bike for four hours, but have hardly any upper body strength) but once we got the balls in the water and i had something to swim fast towards, i was raring to go! They have a great goalie, but i got some great corner shots in- so fun! I know it's going to be tough to fit in daily two hour practices, but it is going to be such a great stress release, i really want to make it work. Speaking of work, i need to finish reviewing and then hit the sack.

the new trivia night for The Nurse Ratcheds!

So after about three times out at the Flying Saucer's trivia night, (and three times of getting beat because we didn't know crap like the name of britney spears' younger sister's baby's name- yes I'm serious.) we decided to try another trivia night that takes a few more functioning neurons. So The Nurse Ratcheds went to Mother Eagan's downtown and it was great! We didn't win, but the questions were almost never about pop culture (and that's all of our - dare i say it- downfalls?) This week the Nurse Ratcheds consisted of Mindy and her wife, Donna, and me and Adam- our smallest group to date, but one of the best groups in my mind!

The questions were more challenging in the right kind of way (more like Trivial Pursuit Genus Edition rather than the fluffy millenium edition) There was even an entire round with a Brain Theme. i was really excited (Adam felt really intimidated and didn't want to be the one writing for this round -although in his defense it was after he wrote 12 down for the number of cranial nerves, and i started naming them- he's so cute). We got every question easily, but around the ninth question, our neighboring table was complaining about how they've gotten maybe one or two questions right. I leaned over and sympathetically (but kind of sarcastically) said, "oh, I'm sorry, did you not get your bachelor's degree in neurobiology?" It was quite possibly the most obnoxious thing I've ever said out loud. But she was really nice about it, and was like no, of course not, did you- and i sheepishly said, yeah, i did. They laughed, and i couldn't believe i had just said that, so i was laughing too. Adam was really perceptive, and said, "come on, that's like the only time she'll ever get to say that!" We had a great time all night- even if we didn't win- it was a blast (and, i might add, we did get a perfect score on the brain round!)

46 pages, 24 hours and hopefully one A paper (or at least a B+ please)

OMG. i don't usually use all the acronyms that have become so common in this age of text messages, but this situation deserves and OMG. I just woke up (yes, it is 1:40 pm) after staying up all night working on my Nursing Process Paper. This monstrosity was 46 pages after everything, and i still can't believe i stayed up for 24 hours. (yesterday was our last day of clinicals, so i got up at 4:45am) In fact, i was still defining some Med Dx with their pathophysiology when my morning alarm went off, mocking me. (that's Medical Diagnosis if you can't read medical chicken scratch) The other, very frustrating thing, is that other clinical groups didn't have near the expectations from their professor. One guy told me that their teacher told them to not bother spending all that much time on it, because they don't know enough at this point to write it all out. He said his was 12 pages. TWELVE! i was pissed when i heard that. I just keep telling myself that we will be better prepared for the fall when things get really sticky. So my right wrist just started tingling while i was typing, so i think i'm going to cut this entry short and give my poor carpal tunnel syndrome a rest. My concept map, though was freaking awesome.
check it out: okay ... well actually i can't figure out how to insert the diagram... so we may have to check with my personal computer helpdesk (aka my boyfriend Adam) later today. woo hoo i am done for the summer!!!!! now we got a whopping ten days off until we start school again! word on the streets is that the fall semester of this program is the hardest, so it's going to be an exhausting four months! i'm going to go get some breakfast. (i don't care that it's almost two, i want my muesli (thanks adam))

catheter pride

Whew! what a week- it's only wednesday but I am just exhausted. I've been up before five am all week, and it's definitely starting to catch up with me. We had our hospital clinicals on monday and tuesday, and they were fantastic! We were there for about five or six hours each day, but the time just flew by because we were constantly moving and working. it was so fun! we were on a neuro rehab floor so we had a lot of recovering stroke patients. (i'm sorry, i mean cerebrovascular accidents - not strokes)

We got to deliver the 0900 meds (no i haven't joined the military, but the hospitals do use the 24 hour clock to diminish errors), and pretty much do complete care for our individual patient each day. It was a little nerve racking at first, because as we're getting all of the meds together, we have a teacher drilling us on what all the meds are for, and what they do. But i was very prepared because i had spent at least 2 hours the day before making a comprehensive chart of all the medications my patients take. the chart includes the mechanism of action for the drug, as well as all the possible (and probable) side effects or interactions, plus any nursing considerations. Those considerations would include knowing to take a blood pressure and pulse before giving a hypertension med (so if for some reason the BP is really low, you don't give them medicine that makes it drop even more).

Yesterday was fantastic! i had a really high functioning patient (who was actually getting ready to be discharged i think today), and he was really patient with me when i ended up trying to get his blood pressure four different times. the machine that they use was not working right, and it kept giving a ridiculous reading (he would not have been calmly sitting in the chair talking to me if his blood pressure were actually 68/64), so i ended up having to move him over to the other side of the room where there was a cuff attached to the wall so i could do a manual reading. The best part of the day, though came when i got to insert my first catheter into a real live patient!! My patient has a neurogenic bladder, and has been cathing himself for the last ten years at least three or four times a day. So right before his 1000 OT (occupational therapy), i got to do a bladder scan to see if we needed to do the cath. The bladder scan is basically just an ultrasound machine, but it has a small digitized circle on the readout screen that will tell you how many mLs are in the bladder! Since he had about 526 mLs, we decided to use and in and out catheter to empty his bladder. The nurse was on the other side of the patient watching me, but i was able to keep my sterile field and get the cath in just fine! (he had brought a couple of extra kits just in case i messed up and broke sterile technique- but i didn't need them!) i was practically skipping down the hall afterwards i was so excited to tell my classmates!

drop and give me twenty old man - i didn't say that i swear!

So today was my first day in clinicals. Because this summer is just a little "get your feet wet" clinical, we only go for about four hours for the next two weeks. We do, however, have to do a fair amount of work on our own (research on all the medications our patients are on, and all their medical diagnoses). So today we were at the nursing home which was kind of depressing- lots of elderly people half asleep in wheelchairs in one big room. It took us about three hours to wake the patients, clothe (and possibly change them) and transfer them from the bed to a wheelchair. (Each room has a built in rail on the ceiling that they hook up to a mechanical lift that lifts the patient in a sling out of bed and into a wheelchair) Then (two hours later) came breakfast. It took about an hour to feed the residents. My little lady didn't speak at all, but was a good eater. Andrew was the lucky one who got the screamer (and she was loud!).

Part of our clinical experience is also developing a nursing care plan for one of the patients at our clinical sites. To make things a little easier, we were assigned a resident at the nursing home (because the patients at the hospitals are more likely to get discharged before we get all our information). The last hour we spent at the nursing home was looking through our assigned patient's chart. Our clinical instructor said she picked patients that didn't have really advanced dementia so that we could get a good history, and get comfortable talking and interacting with patients. I was a little worried when i flipped open my chart and saw the permission form for antipsychotic meds and the severe dementia rating report. Upon closer inspection, she seems to have adjusted to life at the "villas" quite well. (a stark contrast to the information about her admission nine months ago)

All nine of the students in my clinical were sitting in the living room area going through charts and trying to translate Doctor's scribble and random abbreviations. In the middle of this, there is a patient sitting near the tv who, about every ten minutes or so, drops down and gives us twenty. yeah, push ups- it was really cute, and certainly quite random. So after getting the information i needed to do research tomorrow, i thought it would be good to go introduce myself to my patient. I walk over to her room and sort of hover by the door because it's open just a crack. Another nurse or tech walks by and asks if i want to go in. I nod and smile meekly, and she just pushes open the door and tells me to go on in. The first thing I see is that cute old man doing push ups on my patient's room floor. But the really odd thing, is that my poor little patient is on the toilet with the door open. It was really awkward, but she just smiled like there was nothing odd about meeting a new student while she's on the john with a guy doing push ups on her floor.

Vacation!!

Okay, so i didn't actually get a vacation, nor did i actually leave the city. However, right after i finished my last post, i was really upset about my dad, especially him being so far away. I was feeling really down, so Adam suggested we go on vacation. He had told me a story about a time when he was having a particularly bad, lousy, no good day, he and his friend would dress in hawaiian shirts and make margaritas to enjoy on their balcony. However, this being texas, and it being a sunday, we were not able to procure margarita making necessities. So we improvised and met some friends at Trudy's and enjoyed some margaritas (of course we were also in our tackiest hawaiian shirts - although for the record, i love my shirt (it was my dad's favorite shirt when i was a kid) and do not think it's tacky in the least. adam's, on the other hand... just kidding sweetie! so without further ado i give you some pictures Adam took while we were out (he's the artistic one, can you tell?)

Even the Joker knows the importance of hand sanitizer

Last night a group of us went to see The Dark Knight, which was, btw, fantastic. I haven't really been to the movies in awhile, and this was definitely a great one to come back for. Heath Ledger was incredible as the Joker, and the scene where he was dressed up as a female nurse was certainly priceless. My friend (and fellow student), Natasha, leaned over and said that's how she was going to dress for our last skills check off. The best part, though, is when he's walking down the hall in his old fashioned nurse uniform/dress, and turns to get some hand sanitizer off the wall as he walks out of the hospital which he proceeds to blow up. I guess you really need sterile technique for detonating dynamite...

Anyways, on a more serious note, i've been having a sort of crummy day. My mom called this morning and as soon as she said hello, i knew something bad was going on. Trying to hold back tears, she told me that my dad was going to have to be in the hospital longer than expected, and that he would be having surgery tomorrow. It turns out the cellulitis he was in the hospital for, was not responding to the triple antibiotic IV drip. After debriding the wounds and seeing more blisters pop up, they have diagnosed it as MRSA (Methicillin resistant Staphylococcus aureus). So they changed the antibiotics, and since cleaning the wounds is so painful (even with 2 doses of 5g of morphine, he's still screaming in agony) they are just going to put him under general anesthesia so they can do a thorough cleansing. It's kind of scary, and my sisters and i feel so helpless because my parents are all the way up in Ohio. In the back of my mind i can't help remembering that the last time he was under general anesthesia (i'm pretty sure it was just for a colonoscopy) they had a really hard time getting him to wake up. But i'm sure that everything is going to be fine. I just wish i could be there with them, and i worry because my mom doesn't have much of a support system up there, because they just moved there a year ago.

no more skills pretests!!!!

sorry, but if you've taken any of these seemingly wimpy, but then kicks you in the face pretests, you would understand the need for all four of those exclamation points. seriously. I could not be happier that they all behind me now. I even got an A on this last one. (we won't talk about the second to last test- not as pretty) The pretests may be over, but here comes the skills "check-offs" where we have to perform specific skills (i.e. inserting a catheter or administering injections or medications) under the watchful eye of a scrutinizing professor. Mostly for the first check off we just have to be meticulous about not breaking sterility. Tricky but obviously a very important skill to master.

Today in class, we practiced hygiene and restraints. I'm still not exactly sure how the two fit together, maybe if the patient won't let you bathe them, you're supposed to put them in restraints and show them who's boss? Probably not. That was a joke. I promise; in fact we learned that the restraints are only used as an absolute last resort after all other interventions have failed. So we were supposed to fully bathe our partners, or we could work in groups. I was really sleepy, so i volunteered to be the patient getting bathed. (we were told to wear tank tops and shorts) As it worked out, i only got an arm wash, but we had a fun time doing it. My partner brought some luxurious body scrubs and lotions, so it was more of a spa treatment than a bed bath. but when i asked for my pedicure, i was turned down.

This time next week, i'll be preparing for my first day of clinicals! We talked a little about the preparations we'll need to do for each clinical, and the big paper we have due at the end of clinicals... it doesn't look pretty. The clinicals, although scary, i think will actually be really interesting. (and hopefully fun)

So a group of us were going to go to the free concert in the park, Blues on the Green, but it looks like it's going to be a stormy night. I guess we'll have to wait another two weeks for the next one. A few of my friends still had to study for the last pretest that they have to take by tomorrow morning. Part of our last exam was learning all these abbreviations they use for documentation, some of which were really random and wacky. (KVO- keep vein open, or BRP- bathroom privileges, or SWV -sisters with voices) okay, that last one was a joke mindy threw in this morning while she was quizzing me. on that note, i'm going to go have to go have a celebratory beer!

Put that knitting down, and get back to work katie!

I started a new knitting project yesterday, something i haven't done since i started school. I got a little ahead last week, so i have a little less work to do this weekend. (notice i said a "little" less) I taught Adam how to knit, and we are both working on making his niece a wool soaker (diaper cover for cloth diapers). It's turning out really well, in fact i'm nearly done with mine (Adam is a little bit slower- he's still learning and doing really well!). But i had to force myself to put it down for the evening, so i could get some studying done. I will say for the record, though, i was a very good girl, and stayed home tonight while some friends went out for a beer. I have to finish most of my studying for tuesday's pre-test because i have a meeting with financial aid at 3pm tomorrow. (gotta love livin off loans) Speaking of studying, i need to get back to that, my brief study break turned into an hour of goofing off on the internet.

i've got mad skills!

This was our first week of "skills" labs. We all thought it was going to be slightly less labor-intensive, but we were so very wrong. We have skills lab every morning for three hours monday thru thursday, but before every lab (actually it has to be taken by 5 o'clock the day before), we have to pass a pre-test about the material we would be covering. Sounds easy enough, but in actuality, the quizes are computerized and extremely specific. Imagine fifty over-achievers getting 75s on multiple quizzes- some even failing! Needless to say everyone was constantly complaining about the workload (preparation for the quizzes usually took about three or four hours) and about the specificity of the quizzes. As the week went on, though, i think we had a better understanding of how to prepare for the pretests (i actually got A's on the last two!). The end of the week still left us completely exhausted (i love weekends!).

The actual time we spent in the skills lab, though, was really fun. We learned more about handwashing and sterile technique (in the sterile world, clean is dirty!), and then on wednesday, we learned how to put in catheters (on dummies, not our lab partners). The whole process is made a little more difficult because you have to maintain surgical sterility. I'm really good at donning sterile gloves, though, and i can spot a break in sterility from a mile away. Friday, we had open lab, where we could come in and practice catheterization (it's going to be one of our check-off skills tests). I went through the whole process twice, and i'm pretty sure i've got it down. Setting up the sterile field is a little tricky, though. You can either put down the sterile drape (rectangular sized sheet put between the legs in front of the perineal area) without sterile gloves, by only touching the corners within 1 inch from the edges (and be able to brush against the legs- but not being able to reach across the sheet), or you could don sterile gloves and touch any part of the sterile sheet, but you have to be extra careful not to touch the bedsheets, the patient, or any other non-sterile object. like i said, it's tricky.

I really like my skills teacher, because she really forces us to think things through instead of just telling us the "right" way to do something. Some people in my group don't like that, but it's kind of fun to have to "think critically" about a specific situation. Really, it's just good practice, because in reality, when we come across new situations, there will never be an omnitient person sitting on our shoulder telling us the "correct" way to do something. Monday, we worked on body mechanics (being able to safely move a patient, or helping them move/walk). We had to be able to move an immobile patient from the bed to a chair and then back again. My partner was a 5 foot petite asian woman, (maybe a hundred pounds soaking wet) but when she went limp, it was really tough to move her. I eventually got it down (without letting her go down), but then we added in the extra challenges of IV and catheter tubes. You could really see the wheels turning when you watched someone try to figure out which side to put the chair on so you don't smoosh the tubes (yes, that is the technical term, thank you). Next week, we get to practice giving injections and taking blood pressure readings. (adam said he would only volunteer for one of those - but he wouldn't let me pick which one) And yes, one of these days i will actually get some pictures up here. i promise...

it's july, you know

well, my boyfriend subtly reminded me that we are in fact, in the midst of july, and my last post was mid-late june. Many things have transpired since then. First, i turned a delightful 29 last weekend, and celebrated with some kayaking on town lake and a bbq at a friend's apt. Secondly (and also sort of a birthday present) my good friend/roommate got promoted to boyfriend, but that's all a little more personal than this blog is meant for, so we'll just leave it at that. (picture katie smiling ear to ear) so back to school...

I think we've had two more tests since i finally purchased all my remaining books. I did well enough on the tests, although i wasn't terribly excited about my lower scores, but i still have a solid A average, so i'm not going to complain. This next week we start our "skills" portion of this course. So our lecture portion is completed, which seems like a relief, but i think the workload will not be going down at all. Also, in the skills section we are all separated into smaller groups, some of which meet at different times of day. So i'm kind of bummed that some of my closer friends aren't in my group, but it just gives me an opportunity to get to know more of my classmates. Afterall, once we finish our foundation year, we will all be separated by our specialties anyway. Monday's skills lesson is on infection control and body mechanics. I worked for a hospital system for two and a half years, and we had infection control meetings every other month, so i'm pretty comfortable with the material. The body mechanics information will be really helpful, because i'm worried about hurting my back even more (i have a slipped disc and have to be really careful about injuring it further). We also bought a "gait belt" that we will put around patients so we can help them ambulate down the halls. and pull them up from a sitting position. Then, in another few weeks, we start our small clinical rotation! i'm excited to get out of the classroom and get more hands-on experience.

how many more books will i need to buy?

Well, i finally ordered the last three books i need for this class (this one, four credit class i might mention). i have never bought so many books for just one class. granted, a few of them i will use in future semesters, but my goodness! I don't know who this Mosby guy is, but i've just given him more money than i have ever given any one person ever before. ridiculous. (but incredible all at the same time)

i'm excited for my medical dictionary to come in- i've been using it at the library- although it's a little inefficient, because i end up looking up so much more than just the assigned terms. like frankenfood - it's an official term for genetically engineered food. weird that it's in a medical dictionary, but funny nonetheless.

i swear sometime soon, this blog will get interesting. really. i promise.

(maybe pictures soon of my fun new uniform? burnt orange piping all around!)

smartypants

yes i am! sorry for the lack of modesty, but i am just so excited that i got an A on my first test. I was really worried about the test early in the week, but the last couple of days i just sort of settled into the material. The exam was really straight forward, even pulling a number of questions from the textbook's review questions that my friend and i had done the night before!

this was a crazy weekend (my older sister got married on saturday) and i haven't had much time to start on next week's readings. I'm looking forward to reading more about nursing diagnoses. (and practicing them as well) I'll write again when i've actually done some of the reading.

oh, but i did find a decently cute pair of shoes for our uniform (they have to be completely white, and the ones we were shown as an example were hideous) hopefully the sparkly white squiggle is acceptable (it is white, after all)

first exam eve

well, tomorrow is our first test over the nursing profession in general, the specifics of the nursing process and the first part of circulation. Earlier in the week i was really freaking out about all the readings and studying i needed to do, but i'm a little calmer now. Although, that is subject to change this evening around eleven when i realize i can't remember what thrombophlebitis is. Well i have to finish up some flashcards before i take a study break to help my roommate bottle some of his homebrew beer. which, of course, i won't have the pleasure of sampling tonight.

hopefully the next time i write it will be to celebrate my conquering of this exam!

ps. did i mention that financial aid sucks? well, mostly i'm frustrated because there was some computer glitch that kept my funds from being released, so now i won't be able to register until next week. (so all my clinicals for my courses in the fall are going to be at six in the morning and 45 minutes away in Burnet!) grrrr.

I should be studying...

but instead i'm sharing the joy of nursing school with the world. okay, well maybe not the whole world, but you catch my drift. We started school last week, and we already have our first test this friday. (only kinda freaking out) I am enrolled in the alternate-entry masters of nursing program. It's an awesome program for people like me with a bachelor's in something other than nursing who want to dive right into actual nursing and don't want to waste time taking stupid pre-requisite classes like texas history (i got an A in seventh grade- i think that should suffice).

For our Foundations of Nursing class, we are required to write a weekly journal, which i think will end up being snippets from my blog -- but, since i've done one already, i'll include snippets of my first journal entry here.

Journal #1
"hmmm, Why do i want to be a nurse? I could say that i really want to help people, which i do, but that is a bit too trite for my liking. I have always been interested in science (i got a really cool chemistry set in third grade), but as i grew up i felt like my sometimes burdensome sense of empathy and intuition wouldn't be properly utilized if i went into medicine. My occasional "overly sensitive" nature would be scrutinized by my mostly male peers, and i just felt like i wouldn't be true to myself if i tried to get rid of my emotional side. The more i interacted with nurses in the internal medicine clinic where i worked, i began to see how emotional intelligence is seen as a strength within the nursing field. Furthermore, i felt like it was a perfect conglomeration of my many career ambitions throughout my life; being a nurse would allow me to utilize my interests in medicine, psychology, spirituality, and education.

I was really excited when i found out about this alternate entry program because it seems to be exactly what i was looking for (i just didn't know it yet). At first i was looking for a second bachelor's program, so that i could eventually go on to become an advanced practice nurse with prescriptive license so i could work with autonomy in a community clinic. I had no idea that i could skip the extra step and just start going for my CNS masters. In fact, i didn't even apply to another school; i knew what i wanted and if i didn't get in, well, i'm not really sure what i was going to do if i didn't get in (it's a moot point anways). I also really like the focus on holistic health- so often modern healthcare treats just the disease and not the person. From my own personal medical history, i know how physical, psychological and spiritual health are intricately linked."

Mostly I am just thrilled to finally be doing something that feels so very right. I have never been so focused and motivated in my life! So my long and probably arduous journey starts here...