Delicious and nutricious!

"No one is okay, and all of us are fine."

This is my new mantra. I am currently going through some rough times emotionally. The course material for this part of the semester is really hard for me. We are studying maternity and fetal development. About two and a half years ago, I was pregnant and lost my baby halfway through the pregnancy. To make a long story short, I had to deal with this mostly on my own because my ex-boyfriend was such a royal ass (don't even get me started...). My parents and friends were very supportive but it was really a shock because i was so far along in the pregnancy (already at 20 weeks). I had to be admitted to the hospital for what was basically induced labor. I know this is all very personal, and I'm not sure why I'm feeling so open, but mostly I am trying to deal and process this tragic event in my life that somehow I never fully dealt with.

So needless to say, the maternity section will be very challenging. I did tell my clinical instructor so that she knew what i was working with in case something happened during our labor and delivery rotation. As soon as I started telling her, my eyes welled up with tears, and still now, I can't seem to keep the tears at bay. There are so many images and visceral reactions that get triggered by the lectures and readings. Like I said, this will be a challenging semester. But I have many great girl friends in the program as well as some wonderful old friends here in Austin that I've known since middle school.

Self-care is very high on my list of priorities this year. I have forced myself to be an early riser. (it's not as hard as i thought) Every day (even weekends) for the last ten days I have gotten up at six am- without snoozing! For any of you who lived with me in the past know that i used to set my alarm a good forty minutes early just so i could hit the snooze button a few times! Along with getting up early, I have been taking about thirty minutes to sit quietly in the living room with a mug of tea and a thoughtful book I'm reading. It's a book my dad lent me over the holiday, and it's called, "Start where you are." It's a book based on some Tibetan Buddhist principles, and so far, I have found it very helpful in my quest to live a more balanced life. There have been many passages I have found insightful and helpful, but one in particular is the saying that I chose for the title of this oh-so-very personal blog entry. "No one is okay, and all of us are fine." I could go through and explain my interpretation of the passage, but really i would rather let you just sit and marinate on that simple phrase. It really resonates with me, and reminds me I am a part of all existence, and that I am never really alone.

In 2006 when I was grieving the loss of my baby girl, there was an old Mountain Goats song that my sister had loved the year before. It got us both through really rough times. The song is called, "This Year", and the best part is the really angsty chorus that sings, "I am gonna make it through this year, if it kills me." I won't tell you how many times i blasted it in my little Nissan, singing loudly through my tears. Okay, well I do need to get to my readings for class tomorrow, but I feel happy to have gotten some of this out of my head and off my chest. Sometimes it's just so much more of a burden to carry all your hurt around with you. Sharing is caring.

My New Sanctuary

It has been a very long week. We started class on Wednesday, and i have been putting myself through either physical, intellectual or emotional demands every day since then. Since I bought my new bed last July, I never did purchase a matching comforter/sheet set for the queen size (i used to have a full size). I have been using mixed (and not matched) sheet sets that Adam had lying around as well as a couple of random blankets. I have decided that with all the effort I am putting into making my room a more hospitable place, I would reward myself with a nice fluffy matching linen set. And boy, did I! My friend Natasha and I made the epic journey to Ikea this afternoon. I did a reasonably good job of sticking to my list, and on that list was a new comforter, duvet cover and fun contrasting color sheets.




It was tricky getting the color to show up right in these photos. The big fluffy duvet cover (feelin' pretty fancy with a duvet!) is a deep royal purple with a sateen finish. The sheets and contrast pillows are a fun turquoise and also with a satiny sheen. In this turmoil of a semester (more on all that later), I find that the most important thing for me is to have a place of serenity to get away from all the stresses of my life. Hopefully my new (and very comfy) bed will be all that and more!

Testing

Hello from the iPhone! This is the first picture I took while Adam was
walking down the sidewalk gabbing on my iPhone box. He was cracking me
up!

Penultimate Day of Winter Break

Yeah, I know it's kind of obnoxious- but it's not very often I get to use that very fun word! Anyways, school starts on Wednesday, and I have been spending my morning trying to organize my unsightly room before the true craziness begins. Oh, and I also spent about three hours playing on my iphone. Yes, that's right- I said iphone! Now, this may seem a little extravagant for someone living frugally on a student's budget- but there are many practical applications that will help keep me organized for school. There is also a handy (and free!) app (oh, I'm up on all the lingo now) that I can use at my clinicals to look up medications and their side effects, interactions and dosages. Last semester I had to lug around a big hunk of a drug book and it was a pain!

I'm going to go figure out how to start blogging from my iphone- and therefore many more posts to come! Hopefully I will also include a lot more pictures in my blog since I will always have my camera on me (i heart my new phone/ipod/camera/pda!) OK, I will stop gushing now I promise.

Cookie = Love

I pulled this out of my little 100 calorie snack pack and wanted to share my heart with the world! (or at least the people who read my blog) Random, I know- but i thought it was neat. So now that it has been photographed I can eat it now! Thanks!

"I'll ride past your house... on my bike."

(10 bucks if you know what movie that's from)

So 2009 is shaping up after all. (even if i still have no money) I have been doing many good productive things to fill my time. Today my friend Natasha and I decided to do a little test ride down to school. She met me at my apartment and we rode down North Loop to Duval, and then took that all the way down to campus. It was a really pleasant ride, and it only took about 25 min to get there! (which, btw, is about twenty minutes less than my bus ride) So we plan on riding to school both Wednesday and Thursday, and probably riding to our Clinical site together on Tuesdays! I'm really excited to have a riding partner- someone who will really help motivate me to not be lazy. Natasha and I are both trying to restore balance to our lives- and trying to keep that going into the semester. I'm really excited that our schedules line up so we can do this together!

Today we rode past school, and on down to Austin Java on 2nd St for lunch. We met up with her old neighbor who is in the Austin Ballet Company (which is right around the corner from there). It was a great, nutritious lunch and the ride back was really nice. It seemed to warm up a little bit, or at least the wind settled down so we didn't notice it as much. We definitely got some stares as we walked into the restaurant with helmets on and me in my full cycling get-up. But I didn't mind- they were just jealous that they didn't work out before eating a decadent meal!

Happy 2009!

So, nine is my favorite number so i predict that this will be one of my favorite years. However, the financial aid office is sort of raining on my glorious-year parade. I don't know why it has to be so difficult but once again I am spending my only long break from school completely broke. Adam and I were going to take a road trip or a train trip out to west Texas but unfortunately that had to be put on hold. We were going to hit up Alpine, Tx where one of my friends from high school renovated an old storefront and opened a store with her husband. From all the pictures I've seen, it's absolutely fantastic! They have artwork (she's a famous painter- well, I think she's famous) and bike rentals and raspas (snowcone-like)! It's called Murphy Street Raspa Co. and it's gonna be the next big thing- just you wait. Check it out at www.raspaland.com.

Anyways, I'm sad that I am not going to be able to properly utilize this break from school to get away, but really I need to spend some time getting my apartment more organized before the semester starts up again. Also, having no spending money will help me in my new year resolution to keep to a tight budget and try to minimize my possessions. I have entirely too much 'stuff' and the clutter needs to go. My mom used to say that my bedroom was a physical representation of my moods- and when it was really messy she started to worry. I am starting to see some truth in that- and certainly recognize that times when I have allowed myself to sink into a depression, everything around me sort of falls apart.

So I am taking action. I am setting my alarm every morning of my vacation and checking things off of my To Do list. Some days are more productive than others, but at least I am not sleeping my vacation away! (nor am I just vegging out on the couch) Tomorrow I am going to Yoga Yoga with my friend Natasha. She has been working there doing light cleaning so she can get free classes. She said if I like it tomorrow, I could possibly do a work-trade deal with them, too. Alrighty, well I am neglecting my delicious Hobbineezer Holiday Ale, so I am signing off. Happy New Year to all!!