late night musings on death, life and the possible meanings of both

"When you are born, you cry
but the whole world is overjoyed.
When you die, the world cries,
but you may find the great liberation."


Those were the closing lines of a documentary-type movie I watched tonight of the Tibetan Book of the Dead. The dvd had two parts: 'A way of life' and 'The great liberation'. Both had brilliant videography of a small village in India and went through the Tibetan Buddhist rituals surrounding death and dying. My concept analysis paper for my "Conceptual Foundations" class in nursing school is about Spirituality, especially its role at the end of life for terminally ill people with cancer. I am really enjoying the readings I have found, and I thought I would treat myself to a movie on The Tibetan Book of the Dead this Saturday night. I really enjoyed the films, and I learned a good deal about the ritual of death in the Tibetan culture, but they also filmed a group based in San Francisco called The Living/Dying Project. Their mission statement, found on their website, www.livingdying.org, is as follows:

Imagine facing death without fear.

Imagine using a life-threatening illness as an opportunity for spiritual awakening.

Imagine approaching the unknown with an open heart.

We often resist change as a natural part of life.

Healing can be found in life's most difficult situations.

The Living/Dying Project offers compassionate support in the spirit
of mutual exploration to those facing life-threatening illness.

I think this is a remarkable program that I feel like should be available to everyone. Part of the reason I am interested in spirituality as it pertains to nursing is because so many people equate spirituality and religiosity, when really they can be completely separate. Many people may not have the ability to distinguish between the two, and may suffer at the end of their life because of it. I read an article that talked about people who at first said they had no need for spiritual care in their dying days. However, when alternate words and descriptions were used to convey what is meant by spiritual care, they did in fact have a desire or need for it. The misunderstandings about spirituality can leave people who don't necessarily relate to a religion without an avenue for a healthy death.

I say that they (spirituality and religiosity) can be separate because for some reason, I have an aversion to religiosity. I can't really explain it, but if someone mentions Jesus or Christ, I get a weird feeling like i did the day those kids on the playground told me I was going to hell because I went to a 'different' church. I know that many people find great strength in Christianity, but throughout my religious explorations, I have never been able to get that feeling of condemnation out of my gut. I have continued to search and find meaning in various religious and spiritual texts and scriptures. Where I have felt most aligned with my true self was when I was sitting with a small group at the San Antonio Zen Center last year. I realize that I have been in Austin for almost a year now, and I have not yet made it to the Austin Zen Center. I think part of my hesitation is that I have an impression of it being much more formal and austere than the jovial group that I sat with in the zendo in San Antonio. I am reminded now, after watching these videos and seeing the prostrations of an old man while chanting in the Tibetan language:

"I take refuge in the Buddha
I take refuge in the Dharma
I take refuge in the sangha"

We closed our saturday morning meditations by doing the same thing, and I remember feeling so connected to the people in the room, my sangha, the teachings or dharma, and to the Buddha as well as the whole of existence. We truly are all one.

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
If you want to be happy, practice compassion."
-HH The Dalai Lama