Goodreads... good times...

The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream by Barack Obama

My review

rating: 5 of 5 stars
i actually cheated and listened to this on CD while i was commuting. but it was almost better because Barack Obama was reading it, so it felt kind of like we were sitting in my car and he was telling me about his life. we're tight like that!


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late night musings on death, life and the possible meanings of both

"When you are born, you cry
but the whole world is overjoyed.
When you die, the world cries,
but you may find the great liberation."


Those were the closing lines of a documentary-type movie I watched tonight of the Tibetan Book of the Dead. The dvd had two parts: 'A way of life' and 'The great liberation'. Both had brilliant videography of a small village in India and went through the Tibetan Buddhist rituals surrounding death and dying. My concept analysis paper for my "Conceptual Foundations" class in nursing school is about Spirituality, especially its role at the end of life for terminally ill people with cancer. I am really enjoying the readings I have found, and I thought I would treat myself to a movie on The Tibetan Book of the Dead this Saturday night. I really enjoyed the films, and I learned a good deal about the ritual of death in the Tibetan culture, but they also filmed a group based in San Francisco called The Living/Dying Project. Their mission statement, found on their website, www.livingdying.org, is as follows:

Imagine facing death without fear.

Imagine using a life-threatening illness as an opportunity for spiritual awakening.

Imagine approaching the unknown with an open heart.

We often resist change as a natural part of life.

Healing can be found in life's most difficult situations.

The Living/Dying Project offers compassionate support in the spirit
of mutual exploration to those facing life-threatening illness.

I think this is a remarkable program that I feel like should be available to everyone. Part of the reason I am interested in spirituality as it pertains to nursing is because so many people equate spirituality and religiosity, when really they can be completely separate. Many people may not have the ability to distinguish between the two, and may suffer at the end of their life because of it. I read an article that talked about people who at first said they had no need for spiritual care in their dying days. However, when alternate words and descriptions were used to convey what is meant by spiritual care, they did in fact have a desire or need for it. The misunderstandings about spirituality can leave people who don't necessarily relate to a religion without an avenue for a healthy death.

I say that they (spirituality and religiosity) can be separate because for some reason, I have an aversion to religiosity. I can't really explain it, but if someone mentions Jesus or Christ, I get a weird feeling like i did the day those kids on the playground told me I was going to hell because I went to a 'different' church. I know that many people find great strength in Christianity, but throughout my religious explorations, I have never been able to get that feeling of condemnation out of my gut. I have continued to search and find meaning in various religious and spiritual texts and scriptures. Where I have felt most aligned with my true self was when I was sitting with a small group at the San Antonio Zen Center last year. I realize that I have been in Austin for almost a year now, and I have not yet made it to the Austin Zen Center. I think part of my hesitation is that I have an impression of it being much more formal and austere than the jovial group that I sat with in the zendo in San Antonio. I am reminded now, after watching these videos and seeing the prostrations of an old man while chanting in the Tibetan language:

"I take refuge in the Buddha
I take refuge in the Dharma
I take refuge in the sangha"

We closed our saturday morning meditations by doing the same thing, and I remember feeling so connected to the people in the room, my sangha, the teachings or dharma, and to the Buddha as well as the whole of existence. We truly are all one.

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
If you want to be happy, practice compassion."
-HH The Dalai Lama

My iPhone Artwork

This is my first painting that I did with my iPhone app oil canvas.
It's based on a picture I took while walking behind the seminary near
campus. Pretty cool - don't you think?

Procrastination at Its Finest

This thursday (which i keep telling myself is still a long ways away), I have a monstrous Case Study due for my adult health class. We have to pick one of the patients we have worked with and write out a ginormous paper including published standards of care, genetic implications for the diagnosis, potential and actual problems, a concept map and a whole slew of other things. They suggested we use our patient from our first clinical day because we had the luxury of going the day before to gather all pertinent information. However, my professor subtly mentioned that i might want to switch my patient to the one i cared for this last week because he was much more interesting. While this is all true, I now have to take an extra trip to the hospital to pour over medical records. It's really not that bad, I just want this paper to be over with already. Originally I had both this paper and a first draft of our concept analysis paper due on the same day (both of which are expected to be over 10 pages). However, our Conceptual Foundations professor, being a saint here on earth, gave us an extra week for the 1st draft. While I am very grateful to have the extra time, that is what I would prefer to be working on. I'm geekily enjoying the research for that class, and my paper is on spirituality in terminally ill cancer patients.

My original plan for the day was to go to breakfast with Natasha around 9:30 and then go to a coffee shop and just hammer this paper out. Instead, I waited for Natasha and she ended up not getting up like she planned, so I was on my own for breakfast. Which actualy was kind of nice. I had a book and a dvd to pick up at the library which is on the way to the Omelettry so I walked down there and then went on to breakfast. I was treated to a sunny booth in the back of the restaurant. I read my book and enjoyed a steady stream of coffee while waiting for my gingerbread and banana pancakes. They were so incredibly good- totally worth every single last calorie. Anyways, on the way home, I stopped at this neat little store down the road that I've been wanting to go into ever since I moved here. I bought a throw blanket that perfectly complements my bedspread and sheets for the cats to lay on (hopefully that will keep the cat hair from accumulating on my lovely duvet cover)- the blanket is really soft and it was just three dollars! It was a really windy day, so I fought gusts of wind and dust the whole way home.

Here is a picture that Adam took this summer of my favorite breakfast place. (at least my favorite within walking distance)

Shoal Creek Sunday Stroll

After taking a weekend off, I got back in the saddle and went on a 23 mile easy ride with my friends Judith and Alicia. We are all training for the Hill Country Ride for AIDS at the end of April, but we have a lot of work to do before then! Last year when i was training for the Tour de Cure, I had a gym membership and was getting in about two spin classes during the week. That is one thing i'm really missing, but unfortunately don't have the extra cash for a membership. So, I'm thinking about asking to borrow a trainer from another friend of mine. She's a tennis player, and i'm doubting she would miss the trainer for a few months! (btw, for you who are not cyclists, a trainer is a device you can use in your home to ride your road bike inside like a stationary bike)

So today we intended to meet up with other HCRA riders, but we missed their meeting time as we were trying to get in about fifteen miles before meeting up with them. Although, after we rode past the parking lot, there was not a single car with a bike rack, so we guessed they didn't end up riding. Anyways, we did a big loop up Shoal Creek from my house until we hit the access road for 183, then turned around and rode all the way down until 35th St where we turned onto Bull Creek and took that back to Hancock. Hancock, then hooks us up with Shoal Creek. We did that loop twice, and it's a fairly flat ride, so for my current shape, it was a nice easy ride. We were able to average about 13.8 mph, which is a little faster than we had been riding (mind you there was only one or two hills on the loop!). It was a lovely stroll on a sunny day, and I was happy to be back on my bike. I was feeling kind of down last week and didn't feel like riding- what a mistake! I forget how much I love getting in the saddle and how it lets me really get out of my own head. Being good cyclists, we never ride with headphones (that is just not safe people!), and with the wind in your helmet, it's kind of a nice white noise to coincide with the rhythmic pedal strokes. Almost meditative, really.

I got home and enjoyed my chocolate milk recovery drink, and now that it's been about an hour, I need to eat a full meal! Here is a pic of me right before the ride:

This is why I didn't want to be a surgeon

So don't get me wrong, the c-section was awesome! However my big ass
forehead precludes me looking cute in OR attire! Here is a pic I took
about ten minutes after I saw an entire uterus pulled out of a woman!
And for the record- it's a good thing I was wearing a mask because my
mouth was hanging wide open the whole time I was in the OR. It was
really frickin cool!

mean people suck

I'm really upset. my bike, the old mountain bike i've been using to get to school, got stolen from my own front patio/balcony!! I'm so pissed. not only do i have to start taking the stupid bus again, but i don't have the money to go buy a new bike (or a new set of front and back lights). i just want to cry. this sucks. i don't have any insightful thing to say other than this sucks. why do people have to steal? seriously. it was a crappy bike- i hope they fall and crack their heads open- but it was MY crappy bike. okay, well now i have to pull myself together and DRIVE to my clinical this afternoon.