UNREGISTEREd

more pictures...

okay, so i'm tired of having a picture of my used tissues on the front of my blog- so here are some other pictures i have taken recently. I went down to San Antonio a few weeks ago to see The Tim and Bob Show play their last show at Fralo's (don't worry- they still play 2-3 gigs a month! check them out at Beto's on Broadway) and was happily surprised that Shira was in town from Vancouver. I hadn't seen Shira since she and Liz randomly knocked on my parent's door three or four years ago. (One of the other reasons that i'm sad my parents don't live in SA anymore...)

Ozomatli in the park!

Last wednesday, Bryn and I bussed it downtown to go see Ozomatli perform at Republic Square Park as part of the Solar Concert's free summer shows.

We got there a little late (missed the opening act), but we found a nice little spot where we could see the stage and still stand and dance (mostly in place- but it was still really fun!).
(and no- i have no idea why i can't dance with my mouth closed!)




Bryn had some cherries that we shared with strangers, and the rest of the time we kicked up all the dried grass and dust. (this would end up being a near-fatal mistake causing a vicious allergic attack that would last for days for both of us...)

damn... it's been awhile.

Okay, so i might have fallen off the blog horse after spring break. My workload and stress level seemed to be at an all-time high. But somehow, through the support of some great friends and caring professors, I made it! (and with straight A's, i might add!!) Seriously, though, I went through a lot of emotional and academic stress this last semester, and I can only think that it will never be that much of a 'perfect storm' of events for quite awhile (let's hope!).

Getting dumped sucks no matter what, but it's especially rough if that person was your solo support system through a really challenging program. (And if you have to continue living with the person that broke your heart for another five months). But i have survived- to quote the great Ben Kweller song, "she's gonna make it on her own" (now my theme song!). I have moved into a lovely one bedroom apartment- my first time ever living completely alone- and it's wonderful so far! I'm still getting things organized, and I'm going thrifting and garage sailing tomorrow to look for some lamps, maybe a couch and other little odds and ends.

I've been on a little summer vacation for the last two weeks, and it's been incredible! I got to house sit for a friend of mine and pretend that i was a doggy mommy for two wonderful big dogs. I started taking swing dance lessons and have been going out blues dancing with some old (and new)friends. I haven't even thought about nursing- and it's been really refreshing to feel so free!

Like always, I'm afraid when school starts up again I am going to lose all the fun pastimes in order to study. I am determined to keep this from happening. So... I have scheduled in fun throughout my week! I signed up for harmonica lessons on Tuesday evenings, and I'm going to continue the swing lessons on Thursday nights. Fridays I will have off from school, so I can easily keep up my work at the yoga studio.

Alrighty, well i have to go get the last of my stuff from the old apartment. (moving out was actually easier than it has been the last two times, but getting the apartment cleaned up has been a nightmare...) Anyways, hopefully soon I will be able to post pics of my new place. That's all for now- I'll try to be a more diligent blogger in the future!

Murphy Street Raspa Company : Alpine, Tx

On Monday of spring break, I got up at five am to get on the road for the long drive to Alpine, Tx. My good friend from high school, Cristina and her husband, Vic have a store near the main street called Murphy Street Raspa Company. It's a cute little storefront (the building has been around since 1903!) and the raspas and ice cream are fantastic!




This is Bob Bell, a local artist in Alpine and a fixture at the MSRC. He's quite a character, and always quick with a joke or interesting tale. And yes, that is a pith helmet. he says it protects you from the jungle, and since there isn't a jungle anywhere near here, it must be working.

sprinkle this!

 

This is a marquee up the street from my house. It makes me smile (and really want a cupcake- good job by them). I am also currently finding all sorts of ways to avoid working on my presentation i have to give at eleven this morning. It's only 8:30- i've got plenty of time! (oh, wait, i have to leave my house in an hour and i still have to shower... oops.) It's just a fifteen minute presentation- basically i can wing it and still get an A. (pretty sure)

Sisters and pancakes!

Elizabeth was in town yesterday for our friend's beers of the world
party-it was a blast and we even got to play croquet! Bryn has only
lived in Austin for a few months and that girl already knows more
people than I do- a delightful social butterfly!

Anyways, I treated elizabeth to gingerbread pancakes this morning at
my favorite breakfast joint in Austin (it doesn't hurt that it's also
within walking distance!). We enjoyed a leisurely breakfast and then
we both got a little studying in before we started the rest of our
day. I really miss my li'l sis- so it was great to hang out like old
times!

Goodreads... good times...

The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream by Barack Obama

My review

rating: 5 of 5 stars
i actually cheated and listened to this on CD while i was commuting. but it was almost better because Barack Obama was reading it, so it felt kind of like we were sitting in my car and he was telling me about his life. we're tight like that!


View all my reviews.

late night musings on death, life and the possible meanings of both

"When you are born, you cry
but the whole world is overjoyed.
When you die, the world cries,
but you may find the great liberation."


Those were the closing lines of a documentary-type movie I watched tonight of the Tibetan Book of the Dead. The dvd had two parts: 'A way of life' and 'The great liberation'. Both had brilliant videography of a small village in India and went through the Tibetan Buddhist rituals surrounding death and dying. My concept analysis paper for my "Conceptual Foundations" class in nursing school is about Spirituality, especially its role at the end of life for terminally ill people with cancer. I am really enjoying the readings I have found, and I thought I would treat myself to a movie on The Tibetan Book of the Dead this Saturday night. I really enjoyed the films, and I learned a good deal about the ritual of death in the Tibetan culture, but they also filmed a group based in San Francisco called The Living/Dying Project. Their mission statement, found on their website, www.livingdying.org, is as follows:

Imagine facing death without fear.

Imagine using a life-threatening illness as an opportunity for spiritual awakening.

Imagine approaching the unknown with an open heart.

We often resist change as a natural part of life.

Healing can be found in life's most difficult situations.

The Living/Dying Project offers compassionate support in the spirit
of mutual exploration to those facing life-threatening illness.

I think this is a remarkable program that I feel like should be available to everyone. Part of the reason I am interested in spirituality as it pertains to nursing is because so many people equate spirituality and religiosity, when really they can be completely separate. Many people may not have the ability to distinguish between the two, and may suffer at the end of their life because of it. I read an article that talked about people who at first said they had no need for spiritual care in their dying days. However, when alternate words and descriptions were used to convey what is meant by spiritual care, they did in fact have a desire or need for it. The misunderstandings about spirituality can leave people who don't necessarily relate to a religion without an avenue for a healthy death.

I say that they (spirituality and religiosity) can be separate because for some reason, I have an aversion to religiosity. I can't really explain it, but if someone mentions Jesus or Christ, I get a weird feeling like i did the day those kids on the playground told me I was going to hell because I went to a 'different' church. I know that many people find great strength in Christianity, but throughout my religious explorations, I have never been able to get that feeling of condemnation out of my gut. I have continued to search and find meaning in various religious and spiritual texts and scriptures. Where I have felt most aligned with my true self was when I was sitting with a small group at the San Antonio Zen Center last year. I realize that I have been in Austin for almost a year now, and I have not yet made it to the Austin Zen Center. I think part of my hesitation is that I have an impression of it being much more formal and austere than the jovial group that I sat with in the zendo in San Antonio. I am reminded now, after watching these videos and seeing the prostrations of an old man while chanting in the Tibetan language:

"I take refuge in the Buddha
I take refuge in the Dharma
I take refuge in the sangha"

We closed our saturday morning meditations by doing the same thing, and I remember feeling so connected to the people in the room, my sangha, the teachings or dharma, and to the Buddha as well as the whole of existence. We truly are all one.

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
If you want to be happy, practice compassion."
-HH The Dalai Lama

My iPhone Artwork

This is my first painting that I did with my iPhone app oil canvas.
It's based on a picture I took while walking behind the seminary near
campus. Pretty cool - don't you think?

Procrastination at Its Finest

This thursday (which i keep telling myself is still a long ways away), I have a monstrous Case Study due for my adult health class. We have to pick one of the patients we have worked with and write out a ginormous paper including published standards of care, genetic implications for the diagnosis, potential and actual problems, a concept map and a whole slew of other things. They suggested we use our patient from our first clinical day because we had the luxury of going the day before to gather all pertinent information. However, my professor subtly mentioned that i might want to switch my patient to the one i cared for this last week because he was much more interesting. While this is all true, I now have to take an extra trip to the hospital to pour over medical records. It's really not that bad, I just want this paper to be over with already. Originally I had both this paper and a first draft of our concept analysis paper due on the same day (both of which are expected to be over 10 pages). However, our Conceptual Foundations professor, being a saint here on earth, gave us an extra week for the 1st draft. While I am very grateful to have the extra time, that is what I would prefer to be working on. I'm geekily enjoying the research for that class, and my paper is on spirituality in terminally ill cancer patients.

My original plan for the day was to go to breakfast with Natasha around 9:30 and then go to a coffee shop and just hammer this paper out. Instead, I waited for Natasha and she ended up not getting up like she planned, so I was on my own for breakfast. Which actualy was kind of nice. I had a book and a dvd to pick up at the library which is on the way to the Omelettry so I walked down there and then went on to breakfast. I was treated to a sunny booth in the back of the restaurant. I read my book and enjoyed a steady stream of coffee while waiting for my gingerbread and banana pancakes. They were so incredibly good- totally worth every single last calorie. Anyways, on the way home, I stopped at this neat little store down the road that I've been wanting to go into ever since I moved here. I bought a throw blanket that perfectly complements my bedspread and sheets for the cats to lay on (hopefully that will keep the cat hair from accumulating on my lovely duvet cover)- the blanket is really soft and it was just three dollars! It was a really windy day, so I fought gusts of wind and dust the whole way home.

Here is a picture that Adam took this summer of my favorite breakfast place. (at least my favorite within walking distance)

Shoal Creek Sunday Stroll

After taking a weekend off, I got back in the saddle and went on a 23 mile easy ride with my friends Judith and Alicia. We are all training for the Hill Country Ride for AIDS at the end of April, but we have a lot of work to do before then! Last year when i was training for the Tour de Cure, I had a gym membership and was getting in about two spin classes during the week. That is one thing i'm really missing, but unfortunately don't have the extra cash for a membership. So, I'm thinking about asking to borrow a trainer from another friend of mine. She's a tennis player, and i'm doubting she would miss the trainer for a few months! (btw, for you who are not cyclists, a trainer is a device you can use in your home to ride your road bike inside like a stationary bike)

So today we intended to meet up with other HCRA riders, but we missed their meeting time as we were trying to get in about fifteen miles before meeting up with them. Although, after we rode past the parking lot, there was not a single car with a bike rack, so we guessed they didn't end up riding. Anyways, we did a big loop up Shoal Creek from my house until we hit the access road for 183, then turned around and rode all the way down until 35th St where we turned onto Bull Creek and took that back to Hancock. Hancock, then hooks us up with Shoal Creek. We did that loop twice, and it's a fairly flat ride, so for my current shape, it was a nice easy ride. We were able to average about 13.8 mph, which is a little faster than we had been riding (mind you there was only one or two hills on the loop!). It was a lovely stroll on a sunny day, and I was happy to be back on my bike. I was feeling kind of down last week and didn't feel like riding- what a mistake! I forget how much I love getting in the saddle and how it lets me really get out of my own head. Being good cyclists, we never ride with headphones (that is just not safe people!), and with the wind in your helmet, it's kind of a nice white noise to coincide with the rhythmic pedal strokes. Almost meditative, really.

I got home and enjoyed my chocolate milk recovery drink, and now that it's been about an hour, I need to eat a full meal! Here is a pic of me right before the ride:

This is why I didn't want to be a surgeon

So don't get me wrong, the c-section was awesome! However my big ass
forehead precludes me looking cute in OR attire! Here is a pic I took
about ten minutes after I saw an entire uterus pulled out of a woman!
And for the record- it's a good thing I was wearing a mask because my
mouth was hanging wide open the whole time I was in the OR. It was
really frickin cool!

mean people suck

I'm really upset. my bike, the old mountain bike i've been using to get to school, got stolen from my own front patio/balcony!! I'm so pissed. not only do i have to start taking the stupid bus again, but i don't have the money to go buy a new bike (or a new set of front and back lights). i just want to cry. this sucks. i don't have any insightful thing to say other than this sucks. why do people have to steal? seriously. it was a crappy bike- i hope they fall and crack their heads open- but it was MY crappy bike. okay, well now i have to pull myself together and DRIVE to my clinical this afternoon.

Sunday is finally living up to its name!

Today is a beautiful day here in Austin. I am on the patio at Mozart's overlooking the lake. There is literally not a cloud in the sky, perfectly sunny with just a touch of a chill in the air. Absolutely perfect February weather if you ask me! I am waiting for my debate group to arrive, so I thought i would share a little about my wonderful day so far.

Yesterday was the dreaded Valentine's day (as most of you know, Adam and I broke up not too long ago- so not exactly an exciting day for me...), but I was able to salvage the holiday and spend some quality girlie time with my friend Natasha. Mostly we did homework, but we did enjoy a cheesy matinee and a delicious whole foods dinner.

This morning I got up early and met my friend Amy halfway between our respective houses to ride together to church. Today is the Austin City Marathon, so some of the streets were sectioned off, so I'm glad I was on my bike. The service was pretty good, and i fortuitously had my knitting with me, which I absolutely love to do during church. (i swear i'm still listening!) There was a funny political songwriter visiting from San Francisco, so that was fun. Mostly, however, I am happy to report that I actually talked to people today! For the last few months, I have been going to church and not speaking to a soul, except for a casual hello. I had been kind of disappointed, because I really enjoyed being a part of the Young Adult group at my church in San Antonio, and was hoping to find something similar here. A few women from the Young Adult group came up to Amy and I and initiated a nice conversation about when the YA group meets, and what it's like. The people I talked to all seemed really interesting, and I'm looking forward to meeting up with them on Thursday night. (they start at the same time my class gets out, but as good UUs, they said that being late wouldn't be a problem at all!)

All in all it was nice to get out on my bike and go to church. I don't get to see Amy all that often, so we decided we'll have to make this a regular church date! (maybe one of these days we can get Bryan to join us (he's her fiance and my oldtime best friend).

I heart Travelbee...

I spent the greater part of this morning working on my first journal about my clinical experience in adult health. We are encouraged to participate in "reflective journaling" (which is fun, because it's a lot like my blog posts, but with a bit more structure). In the first part, we should "consider and apply a nursing theory". I went onto a website to peruse different theories throughout nursing history (there are some really interesting ones- including one, a woman named Peplau, who was born at the turn of the century in Reading, PA where I went to church as a kid!) I kind of geeked out for awhile reading through different theories of nursing care- it's way more interesting than i previously thought... But anyways, I thought I would share my journal entry in this post. It might not be that interesting, but I know my mom would care, and i swear she's one of the few people that read this blog anyways. So, here you go, Mom-- read over my homework!

Journal #1

While perusing through a summary of various nursing theorists, I was struck by Joyce Travelbee's Theory on therapeutic human relationships. While her work appeared to originate in psychiatric nursing, she began to expand on the importance of existential values in the care of chronically ill patients. While the patient that I worked with is certainly not chronically ill at this point in his life, I think that his self-care improved as our rapport grew throughout the shift.

Travelbee believes that “nursing is accomplished through human to human relationships”. At the start of my shift, I introduced myself and he was sort of indifferent to my presence (other than the flippant remark about having such pretty nurses). As the day went on, I taught him about his blood pressure and what the numbers meant, I expanded on his knowledge of the incentive spirometer and the importance of mobility in his healing. Towards the end of the day, when I would hand him the IS as I left the room, he would remark, “well, i'll do it, but only because you asked me to.” Now in retrospect, perhaps all my teaching didn't exactly sink in (especially if he only did self-care to appease me). However, it really did seem that all our conversations throughout the shift helped him to understand more about his recovery and that my empathetic remarks and explanations about sacro-iliac joint pain (I also suffer from this occasionally) helped our relationship and improved his care. Travelbee also talks about how ongoing feelings of empathy and sympathy help to build rapport between the patient and nurse. Even if he only did the IS because I asked him, he was still doing it regularly (I told him to do it on commercial breaks). Furthermore, his mobility improved pretty dramatically throughout the shift. When I came on, he could barely stand for more than a minute or two, and by the end, he used the walker to ambulate to the bathroom! By the end of my shift, I would certainly say we had built a profound rapport- he even seemed sad to see me go- asking who would take care of him. I reassured him that his primary nurse would be in regularly to check on him.

When I first took this patient, I was kind of disappointed in my choice, because it seemed like it was “too easy” of a patient, but it turned out to be fairly challenging. Even though his care was pretty standard, he was having a particularly hard time managing his pain and therefore not doing the things he needed to do to get well. His immobility could really pose a problem if it didn't improve significantly while I was on shift (especially since he was already 24 hours post op). I guess that just goes to show that you really can't judge a patient by his/her chart!

After searching both Cochrane and guidelines.gov, I was disappointed in the lack of information about post op standards of care. There were some article about treatment modalities three weeks after back surgery, but no information about immediate care. I resorted to looking in Lewis' Clinical Companion, and found basic information about care following spinal surgery. My patient had a discectomy at L5-S1 and was over 24 hours post op when I cared for him. One of the main points was to maintain proper spinal alignment by using the log-rolling method and supportive pillows. The patient did a good job of using the log-rolling technique as he was taught by physical therapist. Since he remained primarily on his back most of the day, we did not utilize extra pillows to keep spine aligned (that is used if the patient is in a side-lying position- a pillow between the thighs helps keep the spine aligned). It is also important to assess and monitor peripheral neurologic signs in the extremities. Both the primary nurse and I assessed his circulation, sensation and motion in his feet and lower legs. His circulation and motion was good, but he did have some problems with decreased sensation in his left leg compared to his right. That is not something new, however, and the research shows that sometimes neuropathy is not immediately corrected after surgery.

As with all surgery, it is crucial that the nurse check for ileus or other interference with bowel function. The patient was already on a full diet, and had passed gas as well as having active bowel sounds in all four quadrants.

The patient was prescribed 2 tablets of Norco to control his pain. Judging by his problems with mobility, I am not sure this was adequate. However, with regular dosing (q4hrs) his pain was better controlled. When I first got on the floor, it was 3pm and he was yelling out in pain while working with the physical therapist. Upon looking at the MAR, I was surprised because his last dose of Norco was at 10 that morning. I would think, especially if he was scheduled to work with PT, the nurse would want to make sure he was properly medicated for pain. His missed dose obviously set him back, because after his painful experience with PT, he was reluctant to try ambulating again. We really had to goad him into trying to stand up and walking to the chair. By the end of the shift, we had kept his Norco administration constant at q4hours, and he was able to ambulate to the bathroom (albeit with some pain) with moderate assist as well as using a rolling walker.

The dressing site on his lumbar area was assessed by both the primary nurse and I, however, there were no orders in the chart for changing the dressing. Although there was a moderate amount of dried blood, there was no active bleeding. I deferred to my nurse, because she said we couldn't change the dressing without an order. I left the floor before she heard back from the doctor.

Travelbee's theory gets a little more existential than i mentioned here, and i fully anticipate using her ideas on suffering and how a nurse's spiritual beliefs and philosophical values may improve a chronically ill patient's ability to find meaning in his/her illness. Definitely going to use that in my concept paper this semester on Spirituality and Terminal Cancer Patients. more to come...

alas, there is no chocolate breastmilk...

Monday was my first day of Maternity Clinicals. The funniest part of the day was this cute little blond haired three year old whose mom had just had a little baby boy. She flung the door of the room wide open when she came in with her grandma and was just an adorably precocious little girl in pigtails! She informed us, "You know, it [the breast] only gives white milk, not chocolate!" She had such a serious look on her face that i tried really hard not to bust out laughing- it was really cute.

Anyways, i thought i would share my journal entry that i had to turn into my professor. it's a small little recap of my day. here goes:

Maternity Clinical Journal
Day One

Monday was our first day on the floor at Seton Main's Maternity Unit. I started the semester off with a rotation to the Mother/Baby unit. I think it was a really gentle introduction to maternity for me. I had been concerned with my emotional stability because of my somewhat traumatic personal maternal history. But our first day was really great, and I think things will go just fine. I was paired with Patty, who is a fantastic nurse, and we got to talk a lot about nursing, maternity, hospice, and everything in between. It turns out that her senior paper for nursing school is nearly identical to the topic I just chose for my concept analysis paper! It was really neat to connect with another nurse like that.

We started my shift by going through and checking on her two patients. The first one had a c-section so we were helping to manage her pain. She was hesitant at first to take the 'heavier' pain medicine because she said she didn't want to get addicted. Patty did a really good job of explaining to her that as long as her body needs it, she won't get addicted. She also explained that we need to keep her pain managed so that we can get her up so that she will recover quicker. I also got to watch her help the new mom with breastfeeding. She was teaching her that it is best to wait until her baby opens up his jaw really wide before latching so that he gets a bigger part of the breast, and not just the nipple. Patty was a wealth of information, and had such a great demeanor and easy rapport with the patients. One patient's husband made a comment asking if she could just stay for another 48 hours until they left!

Throughout my shift, I mostly followed my nurses, but I did get to feel a fundus (two of them, actually!) when my second nurse was doing her assessments at the beginning of her shift. The first fundus was a little boggy, so I massaged it and, sure enough, it tightened up again! I think that is one of those things that doesn't seem like it works until you see it. (or feel it, rather) Later in the evening I watched one newborn assessment and saw a little petichiae on one of the baby's faces. Other than that, there were no irregularities. I also held a newborn baby boy that was being given up for adoption. The mother had already left the hospital, but the adoption wouldn't be finalized until the end of the following day, so the baby was just being watched in the nursery. It made me kind of sad that he was just sleeping in his basket with no one holding him or even touching him. When my nurse left me in the nursery for a minute, I decided to pick up the little boy and give him a little human contact. I held him for a good five minutes, and I would like to think it might have given him a little comfort.

All in all, I really enjoyed my clinical day. I was impressed with how pleasant and encouraging most of the nurses were. Both of the women I worked with had years of experience, and were just so gentle and knowledgeable. To borrow a term from psych- you could really feel the difference in the milieu of the floor compared to other med/surg floors. It was a nice change, and I can see how it would be really great to work in maternity.

PS. The same cute little girl who told us that the breast gave white milk, not chocolate was also pretending to be a nurse and checking her mom. She kept rubbing her belly and inspecting her arm. Then she said, “now I'm going to check your booby stars,” and started to try to lift up her pajama top. The mom had inverted nipples (we had talked about it earlier because she was having a hard time breastfeeding) and I guess that 'booby stars' is the term their family uses to describe it. I thought it was really cute! (cuz the nipples did sort of look like little stars!)

no more late night emails...

I thought this was really funny. it's one of google's new "lab" features (kind of like apps on facebook) where you can enable it to check your sobriety before sending an email late at night. oh those drunken emails that could have been avoided... Google, where were you while i was in college?!

Mail Goggles

Google strives to make the world's information useful. Mail you send late night on the weekends may be useful but you may regret it the next morning. Solve some simple math problems and you're good to go. Otherwise, get a good night's sleep and try again in the morning. After enabling this feature, you can adjust the schedule in the "General" settings page.

melting records...

So last night I was at my friend's cousin's house and his place is nearly floor to ceiling vinyl- it's nuts. He's got a nice setup and a fresh mix of tunes at anytime, but he was talking about all these extra records or ones that are really scratched that he didn't know what to do with. I don't remember how it came up, but we googled instructions on making dishes or bowls out of melted records. We promptly spent the next hour or two experimenting with different bowls and molds and slight variations in oven temperatures. It was really fun! He said I could take one home, and I was thrilled to see that one of the prettier ones was also the Mary Poppins Soundtrack! Here's another shot of the bowl:



And I thought this was a funny quote:



In case you can't quite read it: "I didn't lie, I was writing fiction with my mouth"

Delicious and nutricious!

"No one is okay, and all of us are fine."

This is my new mantra. I am currently going through some rough times emotionally. The course material for this part of the semester is really hard for me. We are studying maternity and fetal development. About two and a half years ago, I was pregnant and lost my baby halfway through the pregnancy. To make a long story short, I had to deal with this mostly on my own because my ex-boyfriend was such a royal ass (don't even get me started...). My parents and friends were very supportive but it was really a shock because i was so far along in the pregnancy (already at 20 weeks). I had to be admitted to the hospital for what was basically induced labor. I know this is all very personal, and I'm not sure why I'm feeling so open, but mostly I am trying to deal and process this tragic event in my life that somehow I never fully dealt with.

So needless to say, the maternity section will be very challenging. I did tell my clinical instructor so that she knew what i was working with in case something happened during our labor and delivery rotation. As soon as I started telling her, my eyes welled up with tears, and still now, I can't seem to keep the tears at bay. There are so many images and visceral reactions that get triggered by the lectures and readings. Like I said, this will be a challenging semester. But I have many great girl friends in the program as well as some wonderful old friends here in Austin that I've known since middle school.

Self-care is very high on my list of priorities this year. I have forced myself to be an early riser. (it's not as hard as i thought) Every day (even weekends) for the last ten days I have gotten up at six am- without snoozing! For any of you who lived with me in the past know that i used to set my alarm a good forty minutes early just so i could hit the snooze button a few times! Along with getting up early, I have been taking about thirty minutes to sit quietly in the living room with a mug of tea and a thoughtful book I'm reading. It's a book my dad lent me over the holiday, and it's called, "Start where you are." It's a book based on some Tibetan Buddhist principles, and so far, I have found it very helpful in my quest to live a more balanced life. There have been many passages I have found insightful and helpful, but one in particular is the saying that I chose for the title of this oh-so-very personal blog entry. "No one is okay, and all of us are fine." I could go through and explain my interpretation of the passage, but really i would rather let you just sit and marinate on that simple phrase. It really resonates with me, and reminds me I am a part of all existence, and that I am never really alone.

In 2006 when I was grieving the loss of my baby girl, there was an old Mountain Goats song that my sister had loved the year before. It got us both through really rough times. The song is called, "This Year", and the best part is the really angsty chorus that sings, "I am gonna make it through this year, if it kills me." I won't tell you how many times i blasted it in my little Nissan, singing loudly through my tears. Okay, well I do need to get to my readings for class tomorrow, but I feel happy to have gotten some of this out of my head and off my chest. Sometimes it's just so much more of a burden to carry all your hurt around with you. Sharing is caring.

My New Sanctuary

It has been a very long week. We started class on Wednesday, and i have been putting myself through either physical, intellectual or emotional demands every day since then. Since I bought my new bed last July, I never did purchase a matching comforter/sheet set for the queen size (i used to have a full size). I have been using mixed (and not matched) sheet sets that Adam had lying around as well as a couple of random blankets. I have decided that with all the effort I am putting into making my room a more hospitable place, I would reward myself with a nice fluffy matching linen set. And boy, did I! My friend Natasha and I made the epic journey to Ikea this afternoon. I did a reasonably good job of sticking to my list, and on that list was a new comforter, duvet cover and fun contrasting color sheets.




It was tricky getting the color to show up right in these photos. The big fluffy duvet cover (feelin' pretty fancy with a duvet!) is a deep royal purple with a sateen finish. The sheets and contrast pillows are a fun turquoise and also with a satiny sheen. In this turmoil of a semester (more on all that later), I find that the most important thing for me is to have a place of serenity to get away from all the stresses of my life. Hopefully my new (and very comfy) bed will be all that and more!

Testing

Hello from the iPhone! This is the first picture I took while Adam was
walking down the sidewalk gabbing on my iPhone box. He was cracking me
up!

Penultimate Day of Winter Break

Yeah, I know it's kind of obnoxious- but it's not very often I get to use that very fun word! Anyways, school starts on Wednesday, and I have been spending my morning trying to organize my unsightly room before the true craziness begins. Oh, and I also spent about three hours playing on my iphone. Yes, that's right- I said iphone! Now, this may seem a little extravagant for someone living frugally on a student's budget- but there are many practical applications that will help keep me organized for school. There is also a handy (and free!) app (oh, I'm up on all the lingo now) that I can use at my clinicals to look up medications and their side effects, interactions and dosages. Last semester I had to lug around a big hunk of a drug book and it was a pain!

I'm going to go figure out how to start blogging from my iphone- and therefore many more posts to come! Hopefully I will also include a lot more pictures in my blog since I will always have my camera on me (i heart my new phone/ipod/camera/pda!) OK, I will stop gushing now I promise.

Cookie = Love

I pulled this out of my little 100 calorie snack pack and wanted to share my heart with the world! (or at least the people who read my blog) Random, I know- but i thought it was neat. So now that it has been photographed I can eat it now! Thanks!

"I'll ride past your house... on my bike."

(10 bucks if you know what movie that's from)

So 2009 is shaping up after all. (even if i still have no money) I have been doing many good productive things to fill my time. Today my friend Natasha and I decided to do a little test ride down to school. She met me at my apartment and we rode down North Loop to Duval, and then took that all the way down to campus. It was a really pleasant ride, and it only took about 25 min to get there! (which, btw, is about twenty minutes less than my bus ride) So we plan on riding to school both Wednesday and Thursday, and probably riding to our Clinical site together on Tuesdays! I'm really excited to have a riding partner- someone who will really help motivate me to not be lazy. Natasha and I are both trying to restore balance to our lives- and trying to keep that going into the semester. I'm really excited that our schedules line up so we can do this together!

Today we rode past school, and on down to Austin Java on 2nd St for lunch. We met up with her old neighbor who is in the Austin Ballet Company (which is right around the corner from there). It was a great, nutritious lunch and the ride back was really nice. It seemed to warm up a little bit, or at least the wind settled down so we didn't notice it as much. We definitely got some stares as we walked into the restaurant with helmets on and me in my full cycling get-up. But I didn't mind- they were just jealous that they didn't work out before eating a decadent meal!

Happy 2009!

So, nine is my favorite number so i predict that this will be one of my favorite years. However, the financial aid office is sort of raining on my glorious-year parade. I don't know why it has to be so difficult but once again I am spending my only long break from school completely broke. Adam and I were going to take a road trip or a train trip out to west Texas but unfortunately that had to be put on hold. We were going to hit up Alpine, Tx where one of my friends from high school renovated an old storefront and opened a store with her husband. From all the pictures I've seen, it's absolutely fantastic! They have artwork (she's a famous painter- well, I think she's famous) and bike rentals and raspas (snowcone-like)! It's called Murphy Street Raspa Co. and it's gonna be the next big thing- just you wait. Check it out at www.raspaland.com.

Anyways, I'm sad that I am not going to be able to properly utilize this break from school to get away, but really I need to spend some time getting my apartment more organized before the semester starts up again. Also, having no spending money will help me in my new year resolution to keep to a tight budget and try to minimize my possessions. I have entirely too much 'stuff' and the clutter needs to go. My mom used to say that my bedroom was a physical representation of my moods- and when it was really messy she started to worry. I am starting to see some truth in that- and certainly recognize that times when I have allowed myself to sink into a depression, everything around me sort of falls apart.

So I am taking action. I am setting my alarm every morning of my vacation and checking things off of my To Do list. Some days are more productive than others, but at least I am not sleeping my vacation away! (nor am I just vegging out on the couch) Tomorrow I am going to Yoga Yoga with my friend Natasha. She has been working there doing light cleaning so she can get free classes. She said if I like it tomorrow, I could possibly do a work-trade deal with them, too. Alrighty, well I am neglecting my delicious Hobbineezer Holiday Ale, so I am signing off. Happy New Year to all!!